I actually wanted to make the site name longer. It’s still missing something.
My light switch life was making my head spin.
-Go to work in “Professor” mode.
-Switch modes to “Mommy” upon arriving at home.
-Tiptoe upstairs at 5 a.m. while switching to “Writer” mode.
-That switch automatically resets to “Mommy” mode when I hear the kids wake up.
-Make everyone breakfast, get dressed, and reset to “Professor” mode in the car while heading to campus.
I know what a few of you are probably thinking, “Hmmm… multiple personality disorder. Interesting. But, why the website?”
Simply put: I’m not crazy. My mother had me tested. And, I wanted a site to help me organize and even validate these multiple roles.
Because, and here’s the crazy part, no one seems to know about my light switches.
At work, people are surprised to hear that I have kids at all.
When I come home at night, my husband and kids have no idea why I’m tired. My husband is politely interested in the ins and outs of my teaching day, not “tell me all about that heated 3 hour meeting” interested.
Last of all, my coworkers are supportive of writing, but romance (especially the good and steamy kind) is still highly disrespected in my field. My coworkers typically don’t know what I write, and (I’m pretty sure) even my family thinks I escape upstairs to scroll facebook in peace under the guise of writing.
People are all wide-eyed respect when they hear that I’m a professor AND I have small children at home. My students assume I’m a writer, since I teach writing. What they don’t understand is that my writing is a shoved-aside part of myself that rarely gets to see the light of day- because mommydom.
Having all of these roles pressing on me, but only being recognized for having one role at a time, is sort of… suffocating? Yes, suffocating.
What I desperately desire is a place where all of my main lines of thought can be present, represented, and acknowledged. I need my many personas (personalities?) to coexist in one space. I want to be able to look at what I write here and understand that I am never “just” one thing. Even professorwritermama, long as it sounds, just begins to encapsulate it all.
And maybe someone else needs to see this, too?